FORGIVENESS

 I’m writing this article based on a true-life story. Down the street, I’ve been noticing this woman, she doesn’t really relate to anyone and she lives in a very ratchet building. Not too ratchet but you will know she’s not living right and yes she has a child (3 years old) so this happened to her 3 years ago.

“My name is Omotolani Akanbi, I am 34 years old and I am a single mother. I met my husband when I was living in Lagos, agege to be precise. I was living with my not-so-rich parents but we were living right. My husband is a conductor, but he was good to me and my family. He will come home every night to spend time with us and we will all laugh and eat on the balcony enjoying the breeze and once it’s past 11, he will leave for his house or wherever he wants to go.

First of all, I wasn’t really desperate for money, I just want to continue living a very good life regardless, see my parents smile, and share each of my good and bad moments with someone. I didn’t go to a higher institution, I finished secondary school and was selling food in front of my house. As a Lagos pikin now, I sabi English well and I fit speak pidgin too.

My relationship with my husband started very well and we were happy until I got pregnant. There was not enough money and we needed to move out. My parents were not chasing me but I know we needed to move out. Remember I said they don’t have enough money so I don’t expect them to take up the responsibility. Had the conversation with my husband or let me say boyfriend cause we were never married (smiling), we just had the intention of it before pregnancy came up.

Please don’t mind that I said he’s a conductor, he finished secondary school too and he’s quite responsible and what matters to us is love. So during the pregnancy period, things became a little hard and we started fading off. He used to come often during the week but started coming less. I noticed and I talked to him about it. Let’s not be sacred, this is the time we need each other the most but guess what, he was not ready to be a father.

He said to my face, “I am not ready to be a father and I don’t have enough money to take care of the child”. I didn’t plan on disturbing my parents so I took a loan. I am going to relocate and that’s why I’m here in Abeokuta. We have few relatives here and this is where they live. They welcomed me and that’s why you’re seeing me here.

I’ve not heard from my baby’s father for a while but I’m not mad at him and if he wants to claim his child, later on, the child is his to claim”.

I’ve not heard from my baby’s father for a while and I’m not mad at him— Letting go of resentment and thoughts of revenge is a very scary thing to do and as scary as it is, we all use the word forgiveness every day. Does forgiveness mean what it truly is to you?

According to Greater Good magazine, they say psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person who has harmed or hurt you REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THEY DESERVE FORGIVENESS OR NOT. To buttress, forgiving people also comes with letting go no matter how much you're hurt even if they're not sorry and even if they don't deserve it.

Just as it's important to define what forgiveness is, I think its also very important to understand what forgiveness is. When you forgive, it doesn't mean that you do not understand or feel the the weight on the harm on you, it does not mean I'll forget what happened or condone such later on, it simply means, I want my peace. I'm sure you'll be wondering what's next after forgiveness, what if we get to meet again, what's going to happen to the vibe?

Rekindling a relationship after forgiveness is not what everyone likes to do. Sometimes forgiveness doesn't really mean I've forgotten, let's move on with life etc, it sometimes empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting the pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with life. Whether they deserve it or not, it is not about them, the whole concept of forgiveness is about you (the person who is hurt).

I think the most hurtful thing to do to yourself is to hold on to resentment against yourself. Forgiveness is not always about other people, sometimes you need to forgive yourself. SELF FORGIVENESS (to be elaborated in the next article) just enables you to know yourself fully well. It will help you separate who you’re from the mistakes you’ve made and it’s very easy to forgive others when you’re a step ahead in forgiving yourself.

DO YOU THINK YOU DESERVE FORGIVENESS ??……

(to be continued).